My Sober Summer, Episode 1

This post is a few days late, as My Sober Summer actually started on July 1st. But, I had better things to blog about, obviously. Worry not, though, as Episode 1 of My Sober Summer is finally here!


I'm currently participating in a (mandatory) program, where I am not allowed to smoke, drink alcohol of any kind (including NyQuil) even though I'm over 21, or do any type of drugs, including prescriptions (unless said prescription is of live-saving importance). Basically, I'm not allowed to do anything fun, nor am I allowed my medication for my bi-polar disorder.


Let the excitement begin!


Every week, I'm required to submit a urinalysis to my local lab for testing. This is to make sure I'm staying on-track with the program, clearing out my system and generally becoming healthier. This means that I have to pee in a cup and pour it into a test bottle, and then hand my pee-filled bottle to a random stranger who labels it, and sends it away. The biggest problem I have with this is that I am absolutely disgusted by urine. It's a warm, yellow, foul-smelling WASTE PRODUCT that should not be dealt with other than to excrete it, preferably directly into a toilet. The fact that I have to save mine and put my hands near it is revolting.



Also, I'm almost 22. I waited 21 long years to be old enough to legally drink alcohol. 21 long years to be able to go out to a bar with my boyfriend, play beer pong with my friends, party it up in Vegas. The fact that alcohol is LEGAL for me, and I'm not allowed to drink it, PISSES ME OFF! I mean, who the fuck are YOU to tell me I can't do something that I'm LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DO? It's booshit, booshit, BOOSHIT.



Lastly, I'm a rampaging, suicidal nutcase when I'm not on my mood stabilizers. But, my therapist says I have an addictive personality, and I'm at a high risk of becoming dependant on them. Which is obviously the point of taking them! I depend on them to stabilize my moods. Without them, I'm either a raging psychotic or a pathetic, weeping sadsack. Depending on how I'm feeling, it's either terrifying, or sad, to watch. And ANYTHING can set me off: My cup was moved; someone ate my last ice cream; there's too much sunlight in my room; I don't like your face; out of toilet paper; I'm having trouble with a video game; there's a weird smell, etc.



So far, other than being grossed out by the urinalysis, I'm not doing too bad. My boyfriend keeps me pretty grounded, he's silly and sweet and keeps me distracted. He also gives me rides to the lab. I'm a little afraid, however, of what will happen when I can't spend all of my time with him (we don't live together). I've been spending the night at his house every night, but I can't do that all the time.


Oh well, guess I'll keep you updated.


Week One: So far, so good.